The Cow is Now!

Welcome to this page, unlike the title, I probably won't be ranting a whole lot but just giving opinions on stuff, more along the lines of the green ribbon idea rather than the blue. And maybe what I heard on Mancow in the morning. Please feel free to give your opinion on whatever you like. I'd also like to mention three sites: 1) the breeding grounds which is the most overworked, under-respected Half-life site out there, at the moment. 2) modern methods which gives a first person look at the life of a late 90's teen. And 3) which give your the whole truth on the decline of america. Please go to both and give them lots of hits.

Re-play of the carpet scam II.

Bob the grasshopper visits Turd at the bar.

Turd: Hey little guy, aren't you a cricket?
Bob: Nope
Turd: A locust?
Bob: Nope, I'm a grasshopper
Turd: Oh, they have a drink named after you.
Bob: They have a drink named Bob?

Jeff Foxworthy was on and gave us a brand new never been heard "You might be a Redneck if.."
You might be a Redneck if..someone says you have something stuck in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

Turd is dared to go into a stall with a boombox, and play a long bathroom noise montage of liquid dripping, which all was followed by a ka-plunk and then a baby crying. Just to see peoples reactions. Too bad I didn't hear what happened.

The Truth: Giving Clinton's where-abouts was considered a national security issue. Right, this is only to cover up his tracks so he won't get caught. Past tense people.

Another phone scam about carpets. He called a motel and asked if he could buy crapets, and when the answer was 'no', he kept talking to the person on the phone for ten minutes, and she never hung up even though it was a wrong number.

The Future6-8-98
There will be computers in our cloths. Currently being worked on is a chip in your heel, and keyboard in your sleeve, and a monitor in your eyeglasses. This is still being perfected but two years ago, you needed a few pounds of equipement on your head for the same thing.

Robotic arms are possible. They can attach a platic outer hand to an arm and then have motions controled by what is left of your arm.

Pigs are close to being able to donate organs for human use. They contain some human gene that will enable us to accept the organ rather than go into delayed hypersensitivty and reject it.

Turd ate chicken guts at a wedding, and freak has a microb living in his butt, from some floom he went on.

"The Truth" was about Clinton again and how the public school system has brainwashed the general public into not knowing the difference between a dumb worthless president and a dumb worthless president. Click here for the full "Truth".

River dance is all fake. They pre-recorded the in-sync tapping and just have the people dancing around. The milli-vanilli(sp?) of the 90's. They also played the ad for "RiverWalk" again, funny stuff.

How Phil Hartman really died. This will probably be in the papers either Tuesday or Wednesday. The was some woman in hollywood, making shameful money if you know what I mean, who was also addicted to coccaine. Phil Hartman fell in love and tried to set her straight but she started hanging out with the old crowd later on, so BANG. I forget the rest

The spice girls have found a replacement for Ginger Spice. Cheetos has payed a large promotional fees to have Chester Cheesto(a guy in a costume) to finish off the tour.

How Frank Sinatra eat a Reeses:
[sounds of shovels]
Girl:"This is so Wrong"
[creeking of hinges]
Guy:"Okay open his mouth"
[Reeses cup being dropped]
Guy:Okay now make him chew

How Phil Hartman eats a Reeses:
Mmm, this looks good

How Christopher Reeve eats a Reeses:
[wheels creaking slowly]
Ummph, ermmm, umph
Yum, yum, yum

How Ellen Degenerous eats a Reeses:
(I'm not going into this one)

Started off with a letter from a listener about racism. He made a few good points about indian reservations, and how minorities will never be treated the same.

Turd and Puppet decided to have a fight and were going to go down to the local dojo to battle it out. Turd is 250+ lbs, and Puppet is a 3 ft. midget that knows martial arts. I never found out how that turned out though, b/c I had to leave my car.

More talk of summoning demons came up. They plan to try to summon a demon so they can interview it on the show. The secondary idea is to give an idea of what hell's like and convert them to God, somewhat like how the excorcist movie did.

Somewhere he did a phone scam where he called a carpet cleaner and asked if they cleaned car-pets, as in pets in a car. While doing this he pretended to be a retarded guy having a poodle named Bobby. The woman tried to act nice but just got tired of it and the woman hung up after Mancow started acting very strange.

Stupid Government6-4-98
Well, it certainly is interesting. Do you have Mancow on the radio in your area? He's my inspiration for free speech. Every day something else goes down the toilet. Rights and stuff like that. It's sort of an insult to be slaves in this country like this. Hmm, let's see how free we are: We have to take lunch breaks because we're to stupid to take them on our own, we can't have arms, because we can't control our rage, we have to strap in the car, and wear a bicycle helmet because we don't know enough to do so our selves, we have to give away on average 1/3 of our income to pay off the interest on the money the government borrows, MOSTLY FROM US, we have to attend school and put up with the people that don't care being there, and just ruin it for the rest of us. We have thirty levels of security at the airport, because once in a while something bad happens, if crossing the national boundary they sometimes perform strip searches and even the dreaded fell cavity search, they will fine you for any form of blasphemy against a higher official, even though we have "free speech" the working class trying to get to work every day or going to church on Sunday is targeted by the police and pulled over and fined if they do not obey the 25 MPH speed limit, we need a license for everything, driving, a car, driving a motorcycle, catching lobsters, trading stocks, attending a university.

anyway, should we not strap in, not go to school, carry guns everywhere, go 90 in a 35 zone, bring bombs onto an airplane,


but we don't need the "higher powers" telling us that we must do these things. Personally, I do strap in, go to school, try to do well, don't do drug, or smoke, don't go at insanely high speed on the road or use harsh language, and could very well do those thing on my own w/o people enforcing it. Sure there are times when I only do things because I have to, and that's the problem when people abuse freedom. just one case of these actions causes your luggage to be searched and you insurance to go up from a ticket, and all this stuff that makes me want to move to Denmark or someplace where people behave because they want to, not because they have to.

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